He's Out of My Life
by Sultan Peppershaker
Summary: She doesn't understand what went wrong... but if there's any consolation, it's that she has plenty of time to figure it out now.


**Alright. Since thisstory herehas been done for a while, I decided to just toss it out there... so enjoy. And... it's not déjà vu... if that's what you think.**

They loved each other.

They adored each other.

They worshipped each other.

He made a promise.

She made a mistake.

_**Tell me her name, I want to know  
The way she looks and where you go  
I need to see her face  
I need to understand  
Why you and I came to an end**_

Here, where the rain falls heavily…

Ashley Teslow hugs herself, simultaneously scolding herself for her mistake in trusting him, as she sits in the corner of her room. After all they had been through… all the time they had spent together… it seemed impossible that all of that could be made worthless by the utterance of a few simple words.

Richie and Ashley… it was a phrase she had gotten used to over the past two and a half years… but now, she couldn't ever think of it the same way again. Now it would always be Richie and Zelda… though she had to force that much out of him before he walked out of her life.

She never would've imagined that anything like this could've happened… she always thought that Richie was different from everyone else that she'd ever dated. But she was wrong. Richie was special, yes… but she figured she wasn't special enough for him…

She sat in the corner of her room, looking at her favorite picture of the two of them… the picture was only taken last year… back when everything was normal. Back when life was perfect.

Back when they were so enamored… when the most mind-dulling days could seem so entrancing… when she could always find a way to get herself feeling better, no matter how bad a day she was having… when a simple smile could make her melt… when a little kiss would make her feel like there would never be someone as special as her…

When there was light in her life.

Ashley shakes a thought to the back of her mind, looking at the picture with glazed eyes.

She and Richie, in each other's arms, in front of the ocean… the memory is so clear to her… he'd told her that she'd never want that night to end. He couldn't have been more right… she realizes that now more than ever.

Something as simple as a moonlit beach… became inimitable with him…

She sighs, wondering if he would have as good a time on that moonlit shore with Zelda in his arms instead of her…

To think that just last year, her life was perfect…

To think that just last year, she had somebody to love…

To think that now, sitting in her room, she only has memories…

On the soft sands of a moonlit coastline, she felt as if nothing could bring her down.

On the soft shag carpeting of her room, she feels lost and disillusioned.

On the soft sands of a moonlit coastline, she had a peculiar sensation that everything was in place.

On the soft shag carpeting of her room, she realizes just how truly cruel the world shall always be.

_**Tell me again, I want to hear  
Who broke my faith in all these years  
Who lays with you at night  
While I'm here all alone  
Remembering when I was your own**_

She wants to hate Richie so badly… but she finds that she can't.

She never saw it coming… never expected that something so terrible could happen by virtue of someone she trusted so deeply…

Zelda Aldaine… slightly shorter than Ashley (which was still quite tall), a slightly pale complexion, hair the color of strained peaches. She was just an upper-lower-middle-class girl… however, she was a beautiful girl, as well…

Richie Hainsworth… flaming red hair, more freckles than anyone could count in a lifetime… yet there was something about him… something that appealed to Ashley… perhaps it was the fact that he was so _easy_ to be with… or that he happened to talk a lot less and listen a lot more than the usual man that crossed her life…

And yet, despite what she's going through, despite what she is experiencing, she finds that she can't hate them. She can't hate either of them… It's puzzling her. Perhaps, she figures, she's loved Richie too much and for too long to hate him. As for Zelda… she wonders if it's just part of her nature that she can't hate her…

But that isn't right, she knows. More than likely, it's because Richie is the one that left… she knows that she's plenty jealous, but… she feels no anger inside… she wonders if maybe it's simply that she can't feel anger towards someone else when she's feeling so depressed herself.

A solitary tear escapes her eyes… she feels as if she is drowning.

She rips her eyes from the picture, fiercely blinking back the threat of additional oncoming tears. But the front is not easily held back, and a few more teardrops leak out.

It had just all happened so suddenly for her… she and Richie were so happy… They were drawing in on their 30-month anniversary… and then, clear out of the blue, he breaks up with her. She was mystified, mesmerized, stupefied by what he said to her… by how easily, he could dismiss all the things he had said with a few simple words.

30 months of building up…

But the breaking down had just begun.

_**I let you go, I let you fly  
Why do I keep on asking why  
I'll let you go now that I've found  
A way to keep somehow  
More than a broken vow**_

Love.

It seemed that the word had lost all meaning.

A forever love lasts only a moment. The dream of the lovers may remain… but in the end, she knows that he leaves her.

A forever love lasts only a moment. There are so many memories that disappear in you… the dream can remain, but… in the end… _I lose you_, she thinks, _you leave with her…_

A forever love lasts only a moment. Too many memories vanish within you. That moment remains, if only for an instant… but in the end… he leaves… he goes away… far from her.

She looks at the picture in her hands, and slowly removes it from its frame. And the thought she had shaken comes back. She was in love with him when that picture was taken… but what about him? What did he feel? Was he in love with her? Was it her fault that he left, that he just didn't feel the connection anymore? Or was it ever there at all?

A shiver runs down her spine.

No… as much as it saddens her, she knows that they said that they loved each other before… the feeling was there… it was there… they both felt it… but somewhere along the line, it left him, but stayed in her…

He told her that he loved her…

And she believed that he was telling the truth…

It was an honest mistake.

Love… what was it now? She thought that she was in love with him… She _knew_ she was in love with him, but… she also thought he was in love with her. And if he was… then what exactly was love? If he really did love her… then Hallmark had fed her a false belief of what love was…

She wasn't sure what she wanted more: if she wanted him to have told the truth when he told her he loved her, or if she wanted him to have been lying… neither choice was very likable.

On the one angle, he would've been telling the truth… but then that would have to mean that somewhere, the love in him left… and she can't help but think that it would be her fault if that was the case.

But if he was lying to her… he never loved her at all…

So she thinks that it was something she did… that made him leave. But what was it? Was it something she said? Something she did?

Or maybe it was something else…

Maybe, just maybe…

_**Tell me the words I never said  
Show me the tears you never shed  
Give me the touch  
The one you promised to be mine  
Or has it vanished for all time?**_

_I wish,_ she thinks, _that there wasn't this feeling that I'm missing something… _

She can't push him out of her mind.

He's like a ghost… as if it's a haunt…

Haunt… a word that Ashley is somewhat wary of… to come to the mind frequently, as in obsess… to be continually present in, as to pervade… to visit often, or frequent… but there was one definition that isn't used as much as the others- _a place of feeding_… as if he was feeding off of her anguish…

She trembles, trying to shake the disturbance from her mind… but it doesn't leave so easily.

She never loved this way before… she lived and died with him… oh, what she wouldn't do just to remain with him…

She knows that she must accept that her life will never be the same… and that she must find the strength to let him go…

He walked away… but he didn't close the door… and she is reminded of him by the light flooding in through the frame.

Now, everything seems so insignificant… yes, the earth will continue to turn…

But she wasn't thinking about it.

Yes, the sun will rise tomorrow…

But she wasn't thinking about it.

Yes, it is life that ends…

But she wasn't thinking about it.

She was just thinking about how he was already happy… and how he so hastily left her… and how he left the door open…

_I'd give it all away to have someone to come home to… _she thinks, as she descends the stairs.

_**I let you go, I let you fly  
Why do I keep on asking why  
I'll let you go now that I've found  
A way to keep somehow  
More than a broken vow**_

_How will I survive?_

_How will I go on without you?_

_How will I jump without a net?_

Her mind barrages her with questions as she opens the front door, and steps into the rain.

_Wash away these thoughts…_

Sure, the rain felt refreshing falling against her, the cool grass beneath her bare feet seemingly soothing her every nerve… but the thoughts in her head still formed a thick cloud above her head.

Ashley jumps as a voice pipes up from behind her. "You're going to catch a cold or something," her sister says. Popping her hood over her head, she walks out to where Ashley stands. "What are you doing out here, Ashley?"

"Just thinking, I suppose," Ashley mutters.

Keely looks up into her sister's eyes. "Something's wrong…" she deduces.

"What makes you think that?"

"A girl knows…"

"I just… need to clear my mind, that's all…"

"I don't think it is…"

Ashley sighs, and looks at her sister. She pauses half a beat, and then launches into the whole story; how perfect their relationship was; how everything was going so well; how out of nowhere, he ends it; the picture; the memories; the questions; the thoughts… everything that has been plaguing her since he walked out. It feels good to unload the story, but by no means does she feel better.

"I suppose I don't even deserve him," Ashley mutters. "He deserves someone better than me… someone as beautiful as him was never meant for me," she adds, with a sigh. Keely remains silent; Ashley assumes she's thinking.

"I never should've believed him," the brunette pipes up after a brief silence. Her sister looks up at her, a querying expression on her face. "He made a promise… and I believed him. I shouldn't have. I don't know why I believed him… I suppose in my naïveté, I thought that maybe there could've been somebody that thought I was special…"

"It wasn't your fault," the blonde says. "You spent nearly thirty months together… anyone would've thought the same thing…"

"I… I just…I loved him… I still love him. And he…" The brunette finds that she's unable to finish the sentence, and sighs in annoyance.

"You brought your love, he brought the bullets," Keely mutters, staring off in the distance.

"Basically… and the most insufferable part is that I have to live like this now… I can't change what happened… can't change the past…"

Keely smiles at the choice of words, as a silence falls.

"Don't worry, Ash," the blonde blurts. "You helped me through my breakup… I'll be here to help you…"

"Thanks, Keely," she says, looking at her rain-soaked jeans.

"It's the least I could do…" she offers, walking back into the house.

She feels a bit safer, at the very least, knowing that her sister will always be willing to listen… but it wasn't going to take away any of the pain… any of the tears… any of the despondency.

The tears… they will leave… the constant sorrow… that will leave too. But the pain will live on the wind's breath… it will lose its strength, but it will always have its place inside her.

The tears fall easily as the downpour… just as the rain in the garden endlessly plays its music, somber and tragic…

**_I close my eyes and dream of you and I  
And then I realize_**  
**_There's more to love than only bitterness and lies  
I close my eyes_**

It had come so quickly. The moment she had feared for so long… came and whizzed by her like she was standing still.

She knows, that with Zelda, he feels more free… he feels able to count on her more… he's happier with her…

And yet, every night she begs to the heavens that, for the sake of them both, something inside him to break when he hears of this lunatic who is dying from love.

And every night, she wonders… what will happen now? What will happen after him? Aside from the tears, of course…

_Where are you? Where is your smile? Without you, or your help, or love… what will become of me? Why did the love in you die? _she thinks, sitting on the windowsill, watching the sun dive down behind the scenery. _Why, why? _She sighs as the sun escapes from her vision… and tries to discern whether she thinks that the sun is a symbol of part of her life or whether she _wants _it to represent her…

Of course, it's not that easy to fool people into thinking nothing is wrong… even if they aren't related.

Hushed voices hidden behind cupped hands…

A mix of worried, concerned, and saddened faces in the hallway…

Constant onslaughts of inquisitive people…

The students had obviously heard the news… though more than likely they didn't actually hear it as much as see what had happened… not only the obvious giveaway, but many people seemed concerned about Ashley. She still looked like herself… same girl as before… it was just that she said everything in a voice a tad heavier than normal… that she was just a bit more slow to react to people sometimes… that she sometimes would drift off in her thoughts… subtler changes to her personality.

She knows that everyone is talking about them… she sees it… she hears it. But she thinks that the other students don't believe that she does notice them… It's slightly enigmatic, that the students would think in such a manner… but they do.

Of course, this will only last until the next big breakup on campus- then the students will focus on the next unfortunate couple… And it won't be long, either. Probably around a week, maybe two… for them…

For her… it won't be so simple…

Nothing will be simple anymore. Her entire life is derailed… thrown off by a simple mistake in judgment.

She feels she's in a desert of tears. Her mouth however silent, her heart cries out in a cacophony, stemmed from the suffering from the agony that tortures her deep within her core. She knows that they say that one can't simply die from love, but feels herself dying now. She feels empty inside… but she also knows that she should be happy for him… but she isn't, because she wants him to stay with her.

Nothing will change, she knows. There is no way to go back in time. There is no way to change the past.

There is no way to get him back.

She wants to evanesce.

_**I'd give away my soul  
To hold you once again  
And never let those moments end**_

_Oh, if you returned to me… the sun would light a thousand springs… if you came back to me… I would be happy again…_

To have him back…

It seems to be the only thing that would make this pain go away. She knows that it's just an empty dream, that it will never happen. That much is obvious… but it's the only thing that would snap her out of her depressive state… since it won't happen, she knows that she has to deal with the situation as best as she can… it isn't going to be easy- she knows that- but life isn't always sunshine and butterflies… nobody could be happy if they were trying to be happy… happiness can only stem from other things… one cannot achieve happiness if it is a goal.

_You unleashed a hurricane on me… the fire and fury of a volcano… and it won't be extinguished unless I forget that I was your slave… _

To forget him…

That would make her life easier… if she could wake up the next morning and not have anything to remind her of the pain she was feeling… but that would also mean forgetting everything she loved about him, and all of the good memories would be forgotten as well. Sure, she wouldn't have to deal with the pain, but would the loss of all her memories of him even be worth it? She figures not… she isn't just going to be able to act as if those two and a half years never happened…

And so, she thinks more.

To move on in solitude…

That, she figures, is impossible. They became a part of each other in all the time they spent together. She doesn't want to leave that all behind her… but a wise man once said, "You can't always get what you want."

Then again, it's her only option. He had left… he was never coming back. That much she could accept. And she knows that she won't be able to just push him out of her mind… just walking away is her best option. Whether she wants it or not, she realizes that there is nothing else she can do about it… she simply has to accept it.

She loved him so very much…

And… despite his promise…

Despite the vows they made…

Despite the love she gave…

She knows she must let go.

_I've had enough…_

_**I let you go, I let you fly  
Now that I know, I'm asking why  
I'll let you go now that I've found  
A way to keep somehow  
More than a broken vow**_

Here, where the rain falls heavily…

* * *

**So… yeah, I know that this isn't your normal PotF story… it's abnormal, one might say. But, uh… be thankful. I was considering having made this a Pheely breakup, but I figured that it wouldn't behoove me to do that, so I finagled it so it wasn't an anti-Pheely story… so be happy. Anyway… thought that maybe something different would be refreshing… making a story based on a character I entirely made up. Fun stuff!**

**Oh, right... the song. It's called "Broken Vow" by Josh Groban… really quite a good song… then again… I like sadder stuff. Because it's me… but I had to change some gender-specific words. That's life for you.**


End file.
